I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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