In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
