I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She bit a glass in half.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
