Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
