You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
