Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
