Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize