drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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