I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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