your parents love me but you hate me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
