Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
