i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
