Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Bring me that man meat
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
