when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
