i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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