trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
