how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
