I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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