whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
