you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im holly from the hills drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
