whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I touched a dick in church today
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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