This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
