I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
COCAINE IS GR8
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
