Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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