watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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