I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
