if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
