some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
