I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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