I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
