And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
