It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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