I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize