eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
