He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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