Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We're too hungover to prance.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
