there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This house was built for laser tag.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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