Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize