lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
