I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
