Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
