Porn is love you can see.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
