I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
