seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize