dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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