We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
