the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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