Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize