i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
