I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to make a zoo with you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize