so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
