I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize