I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
