my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
