would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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