I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
