doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
