Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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