Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
