He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
