I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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