If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize