Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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