It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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