he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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