Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
