I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
