his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
