Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
