If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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