turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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