so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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