Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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