Kiss
Puke
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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