somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
