Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
