Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
