Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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