I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
