My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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