dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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