I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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