"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
