Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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