I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You are a genius and a whore.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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