you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
