i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
