he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
