i just made my gag reflex go away.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
