I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
