fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
