Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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