they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
