I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
