Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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