Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
