i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
