She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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