It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
